With the most recent court ruling on Nadja Benaissa- a German Pop singer who found out she was HIV+ at 16, kept it to herself, and continued sleeping around for 12 more years – it makes me think about all the passes women get in Western society. Though the verdict is guilty, she only needs to do some community service and she’s scot free to go. Imagine had the perpetrator been a man, the sentence would most likely be harsher.

Most men are aware of this injustice meted out against their kind. Some are just more chivalrous than others: being a good sport, they let it go and give women a pass. That’s why the less chivalrous ones call it what it is: A p***** pass.

This asymmetry also makes me think the reason why so many women are against the notion of Stepford Wives is because they have been spoiled by the constant free passes to do and behave as they please, with zero accountability. I heard a story once, where two women in Colorado made up stories of assault on a man. After an entire summer of a community living in fear, and a life destroyed, they rescinded their accusations and said it was all made up. Again, no jail time, no fines, no consequences. So when we say, “we like giving our men extra special attention because they really deserve it for being so generous in giving us way!” women who have gotten their way all their lives feel it’s unnatural.

If anything, we feel that it’s because men keep giving us passes, that we should spoil them that much more. I still remember a car ride I took with some career ladies one evening. We were on our way to a charity dinner and I casually mentioned, “we tend to forget that men have their fragile areas, that they also need as much care, consideration, and attention as we do.”

I was met with a resounding “uh-uh! No way! What the $*%&$# is that all about?!!!”

We can’t change the fact that men continue to take on responsibility, relieving us to what we do best. But what we can change is our ability to make our marriages shine and work on making a good union a great one!

With the current outbreak of salmonella in eggs (which by the way, is eradicated with proper cooking….so unless you are making tiramisu, chocolate mousse or Caesar salad dressing, you have nothing to worry about), I am reminded of a topic I frequently revisit. Healthy eating and healthy cooking. There’s a difference between alarmist, hypochondriac approach to food vs sensible cooking.

I’ve been preaching healthy cooking for years. I even get on my mom’s case for the traditional way she cooks.

What is healthy cooking? Well, first and foremost, stay away from the cans. If you’ve never “canned” foods yourself, you may not understand the science of preservation. To put it in simple terms, just pop open a bottle of wine. A decent bottle of wine – refrigerated- will go bad in a day or two A box or jug wine, can make it past a week and still retain it’s original flavor. What is the secret ingredient? Preservatives. And they are not always natural ones either. Has anyone even notice that modern apples can go for days without turning brown? How do you think they got THAT way? So if you can’t cook with homegrown vegetables (a staple among us gals), at least use frozen veggies.

Secondly, healthy cooking means using substitutes. You may not get the full pleasure of a properly cooked French omelette with egg whites or egg subsitutes, or a greasy hamburger with a soy vegan burger, but as human beings, we all learn to adjust. Some fads have come and gone, admittedly – like margarine. But try olive oil spray when you want to use butter or canola. Yogurt instead of mayonnaise, mushrooms instead of beef. (The exception is when the man of the house asks for beef. We shut up and get ourselves to the kitchen!)

So opt for that free range chicken, and hormone-free eggs. Trey Stevia instead of sugar, or use sugar-in-the-raw if you must. And if you ever have a craving for fast food, we recommend Devin Alexander’s Fast Food Fix: 75+ Amazing Recipe Makeovers of Your Fast Food Restaurant Favorites. In the book, she approximates your dishes from your favorite American fast food joints, using healthy low-calorie substitutes. We at the organization give it a hearty five stars!

A little bit of background. British bawdy tv comic Benny Hill had a show that ran for two decades from ’69-’89 on BBC. So literally, it spanned the conscious-raising women’s movement, through bra-burning, through the 80s, and finally up against the post feminist era. A British comedian from the 80′s called Benny Hill “a dirty old man, tearing the clothes off nubile girls.” That comic’s name is Benny Elton. He later claims it was taken out of context. But another Brit comic, Harry Enfield brought together the two Bennies, and created a post-feminist Benny Hill “chase” in the video above. This homage shows what the classic Benny Hill chase would have become when that reformed dirty old male chauvinist became a politically-correct male feminist. The fellow in the suit is Benny Elton.

Special thanks to Margaret, one of our readers in Leicester, UK for sending us this clip. Enjoy!

A few of our readers have sent us some funny magazine covers and posters that they tell us remind them of our organization. Some have even made one in our honor. Click here to see a motivational poster dedicated to stepfordwife.com (not safe for work).

Recently while visiting friends in the Anapolis (MD) area, a few of us girls had a chance to drop in on the Great Grapes Wine Festival. These wine festivals feature a delightful array of mostly domestic wines, some from vineyards outside the U.S. (Australia, Chile, Argentina), some food (cheese, crabcakes, pizza, standard fairground foods), and cooking instructions (usually sponsored by a utensil company selling a product).

It was so hot that day, to be honest, it was a little difficult to judge the wines. But we did manage to agree on a small number of items. For the summer, we absolutely adored Cygnus Chardonnay 2007 , a dry white with a grassy citrus taste, a long finish, and a hint of soy. Cygnus is a vineyard in Manchester MD, and their wines are made from a careful blend of traditional techniques and modern science. All the grapes are grown locally, so support this local U.S. homegrown product!

Cygnus wines are available only in MD stores, but you can always ask your local wine store if they can order it for you.

We also liked Kerrygold’s Aged Cheddar with Irish Whiskey, and think it’s a delightful combination with the Cygnus Chardonnay.

We realize there are aspiring husbands out there who have not stretched their Stepford muscle in a long time. After all, modern society has probably all but snuff out that manly fire in the traditional man’s creed. Fear not, as sex dolls have undergone improvements by leaps and bounds, thanks to modern synthetic material.

Real Doll (site features nudity) by Abyss Creations in San Marcos CA provides life like dolls that conform to Stepford Wives Organization ideals, boasting large busts, wasp-like hourglass waist, perfect eyes and hair, and a mouth that opens on demand, without words coming out. All for the nifty price of around 6 thousand dollars.

From there, the Rookie Stepford husband can practise the traits we have come to love in our husbands:

1. Ordering her around without getting any backtalk.

2. Getting pleasured without having to ask.

3. Dressing her the way that pleases him

4. Possessing her without any apprehension of losing her to other men

5. Keeping her in the house 24/7

6. Trying new positions and moves in and out of the bedroom without any protest from her

7. Using the top of head as a coffee table for resting your beer on, when you are watching tv or relaxing on the sofa

8. Having her around without having to listen to her

9. Her hair and makeup always perfect, always ready to please

10. She never ask for money or to be spoiled.

Of course, once he is ready to move up to the real deal, we are always more than happy to oblige. In addition to the list above, we ladies here at the Stepford Wives Organization provide the following features that a doll cannot.

1. We cook your favorite dish and serve it with a smile

2. We clean up after you

3. We wash, bathe, and massage you

4. We refresh your drinks and make sure it is always cold

5. We greet you at the door at the end of every day

6. We show appreciation and gratitude

7. We will fetch your slippers when you snap your fingers

8. We do the laundry

9. We yelp when you grab us or play rough in bed

10. We scream “YOU ARE KING” in bed, and remind you that “YOU’RE THE BOSS” everyday.

Brooks Brothers 2010 bow blouse

We’ve had a few inquiries about the bow blouse and the bow that’s been such a favorite here at the organization. Not only does it hark back to the classic days of the housewife, it’s actually being revived this year by designers like Louis Vuitton for their Fall ’10 collection.

The bow of yesteryear had pointed ends, as opposed to the more modern squared tips. It’s virtually impossible to come across these, unless one goes to the “Vintage” section in Ebay, dig through Goodwill, or find an old pattern. Carolyn says it’s a snap to make your own, and she’s been gracious enough to show us how. Here it is:

Step 1. Measure
Take a clean silk or cloth ribbon (ones for gift-wrapping and crafts) and wrap it around your neck to tie a bow, making sure the ends are to your liking. Trim the ends (the shape of the ends doesn’t matter, we just want the length) and measure the length.

Step 2. Make a Construction Board (or Cardboard) Template
On a construction board-Poster board, trace a shape of bow you want as it would look, lain out on a flat surface. ADD 1/8 – 1/4 inch on the two short and one long side. The side on the fold – (i.e. the dotted A line – does not need a seam) This is for the seam allowance, depending on the material) Now, Draw that shape side-by-side on the cardboard and cut the cardboard.

Approximate pattern of the bow laid flat, side by side, since you want to fold the cloth together along dotted line A

Step 3. Lay your cloth over the cardboard template, trace onto cloth and cut.

Step 4. Fold the cloth
With the right (outside) sides together- over line A, making the mirrored shape come together into one single shape, wrong side facing out. A few steps later, you will be stitching the cloth together before pulling it inside out to hide the seams.

Step 5. Sew two pull strings, one at each “tip” of the bow.

Sew two pull strings, one at each tip of the bow, connecting both sides of the fabric. Then feed the pull string to stick out the center of the folded cloth. (You will be pulling the tips to invert to the proper side up after you sew the seams)

Step 6. Making sure the two drawstrings are accessible, and sandwiched freely inside the two sides of fabric, sew from point A to point F, leaving a opening in the middle of the long edge.

Sew 1/8 to 1/4 inch from the edge of the fabric, enclosing the short edge, the long edge, and to the end of the other short edge. This would effectively seal the fold from one end to another, With the exception of the opening.

Very important: Make sure the opening is big enough to pull an amount of fabric for half the bow from inside out. You will be using the drawstrings to bring each half of the bow out through the opening.

Step 7. Use the drawstrings and gently pull out the tips of the bow, bringing the correct side of the cloth out through the opening.

Step 8. Once tips and completely pulled through and the bow is correct fabric side facing outwars, flatten the whole piece to correct shape. Cut the drawstring at the tips, and slipstitch the opening.

Voila! Stepford Bow!

We have added a permanent page to this diary / bulletin board involving Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) to be found on the side bar. We will produce it here as today’s entry:

1. Can I join this group

The Organization is made up of a group of women who physically know each other in real life, and live within close proximity of each other. It is NOT a virtual community where online members can join. The Organization is an online bulletin board for us to share our ideas, recipes, etiquette, philosophy, and way of conduct with other Stay-at-Home Mothers and Wives.

2. What is the politics of the organization

We encourage a broad range of views among our organization. There are women who have Women’s Studies B.A. from prestigious schools on the East Coast, to home-schooled ladies, and some with GEDs. Education is not a sign of prestige as we think no amount of intellectual powers can compare to one’s ability to please her husband. We have feminists who were active in the 70s and 80s, to ultra-conservative religious Republicans. At different point in our lives, we realized that staying at home and attending to and pleasing the head of the household was our main calling in life.

3. Where are you located.

Western Connecticut.

4. I’m a member of the transgender / crossdresser / bDsm community. Can we join your organization?

We can’t control who reads our website, or who pretends or fantasizes to live our way. While we think there’s nothing wrong with living your life as long as you’re not hurting anyone, the answer is No.

5. What books do you recommend us to read

1. The Holy Bible
2. Fascinating Womanhood by Helen B. Andelin
3. Fascinating Girl by Helen B. Andelin (which was incorporated into certain editions of FW)
4. Man of Steel and Velvet: A Guide to Masculine Development by Aubrey Andelin
5. Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man by Elliot Katz
6. Wife Dressing: The Fine Art of Being a Well-Dressed Wife by Anne Fogarty and Rosemary Feitelberg
7. Stepford Wives by Ira Levin
8. Complete Book of Etiquette by Amy Vanderbilt
9. A History of the Wife by Marilyn Yalom
10. Happy Housewives: I Was a Whining, Miserable, Desperate Housewife–But I Finally Snapped Out of It…You Can, Too! by Darla Shine

6. Who are the members of the Organization?

There is Irene (that’s me) who, along with Pree, does most of the admin work and answers emails. My sister Carolyn, and then there is Stephanie, Clarissa, Blair, Liz, Sici (because she doesn’t like to be called Muff), Jane, Maddy and Connie.

6. Are you against feminism?

We are not. Feminism fought to gain equality, opportunity, legal rights, and most importantly, freedom for women. Like any idea, it was bound to be misread and appropriated by people who had their personal agenda to advance. In it’s original suffragist and workplace ideals, they succeeded in what they set out to do. As with any idea that seek to obtain opportunity however, freedom means we are equally free to accept feminists ideas as we are to reject them. We thank and applaud the women who have fought for our rights to make our own decisions. Now please allow us to make our own decisions and live by the choices we have made.

If you force us to live by your personal, egalitarian vision of utopia, then wouldn’t you would have repeated the very offense you charged men (and the patriarchal oppression) of committing?

I absolutely adore this line from Ginia Bellafante’s article in the New York Times on June 1 2004 “Dressing the Post-Feminist Stepford Wife”

That the affluent homemaker’s uniform remains so compelling may have something to do with its undercurrent of eroticism, one that stems from a sense that the woman wearing it is a woman owned. ”Inside that presexual-looking girl in her lime-green twin set is that fully grown woman to whom only her husband has access,” said Eric Mendelsohn, a filmmaker, former costumer and professor of film at Columbia. ”When do these women look like fully realized sexual beings? When they are in private with their husbands.”

It should be noted that in Japanese culture, the presence of a prohibitive barrier only adds to the erotic charge. Many outsiders will view the black disk of censorship (currently pixellated screen) which is placed over the private parts in photographs as am unwelcomed nuisance. Not so for the Japanese.

That which is shielded actually adds to the erotic imagination. This makes sense when you look at the history of kimono design. To cover is to add to the sexual mystery.

In these modern times, when people go to the supermarket in Daisy dukes and a wet-t-shirt, that which is available to the imagination is a rare and precious item.

In Season 3, Episode 8′s TV’s Desperate Housewives, Gabrielle (Eva Longoria) returns to a life as a fashion model. After a 10 year hiatus, she is cast in the role of the homemaker and not the hot “IT” girl of the moment. Frustrated, she storms off and throws together her version of the “hot” mom. We girls at the organization happen to think the initial outfit they put her in (below left) is precious, and we feel that is the perfect outfit in which to serve and attend to our husbands in (Girls: Notice that DARLING RIBBON on that blouse!). In contrast, we raised our eyebrows at the “hot” mom version (below right). Frankly, it’s not appropriate, especially if guests or neighbors were to pop in.

Here is a comparison

Eva Longoria in 2 versions of the Good Wife outfit

On the other hand, if our husbands tell us they want us to wear something a little racier, as dutiful wives who’s main duty is to please our men and their expectations, we won’t hesitate to go the route below:

Eva Longoria in the husband-approved version of the Good Wife outfit