“The Art of the Wife is Fast Disappearing” (update: Jan 26, 2010)
I am looking through my old archives and saved articles to find a piece on how women are realizing being “Stepford” isn’t really as bad as almost everyone makes it out to be.
To my astonishment, I am seeing pages after Google pages of sites discussing our site www.stepfordwives.org. It’s flattering to say the least, but the more disturbing results lie in all the negativity towards the Stepford image. We don’t like to point fingers, but if you love staying at home, taking care of the kids and pleasing your husband – and you’re good at what you do, is there really that much you can scoff at? So much of the negativity stems from women who find it challenging to accomplish (yes, accomplish) the Stepford quality of homemaking: great cooking, a clean home, beautiful fashion sense, perfect makeup, and a happy family. Sure, we believe it requires dedicated work and precise time-management skills. To listen to our naysayers bemoan our choices, you’d think a Stepford Wife are the dregs of society. We’re often told by our husbands it’s mere jealousy. Here is an example: How To Deal With A Stepford Wife……When You’re A Lousy One.
There’s also numerous articles claiming men want strong women, and no man would want a Stepford Wife. Curiously, all these articles are penned by women. Stop any man on the street and ask “do you prefer an over well-read intellectual who doesn’t have time to bathe or shave, but can wear the same hippie tie-dye tunic and argue with you until the take-out food arrives OR a perfect wife who keeps a sparkling clean home, cooks delicious meals, supports you in whatever you do, and treats you like a king in bed?”
I’m embarrassed to even mention how many emails I get monthly, from guys clamoring to find out where they can meet women like the ones we talk about here at the organization.
I didn’t manage to find my article. But here is an Op-Ed piece in yesterday’s New York Times, discussing our sister, the 1950′s wife My So-Called Wife by Sandra Tsing Loh.
November 29th, 2010 at 8:31 am
It makes me sad to think so many people are so angry at wives like me who choose to cook and clean and care for their husbands. I may only be a newlywed, but I think feminism means choice, and I chose to marry my husband, and become the perfect wife (and hopefully one day, mother), and I find it very unfair that I, or anyone else for that matter, be condemned for that. Nobody had any issues when I chose to go to college, or chose to work in a very high-pressure business, and just because being a good housewife is seen as more old-fashioned career, doesn’t change the fact that it is still my choice.
November 29th, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Hi Helen, I’m sorry you have experienced opposition to what you do, but WE SUPPORT YOU AND VALUE WHAT YOU DO! That’s the whole purpose of this blog and website. Even if you don’t agree with all our ideas, we wanted, at the very least, to forward the notion that staying at home and raising a family is as much a choice as working hard to become a CEO. We wanted to show other wives that what they are doing is not meaningless and that it is NOT OK to be fall victim to derision for what you do. Making an omelette well, making your husband feel loved is no lesser of an accomplishment than rising to the top of a start up company that peaks before going public and selling off to a corporate merger. There are first wave feminist who understand there is no qualitative difference in any choice you make, as long as it’s YOUR choice. That’s why we also try to distinguish ourselves from mail-order brides and career wives (who initially pander for a cash-in after the divorce). They have a choice, but it’s not the same freewill choice as what and how we decide to live our lives here at the organization. So welcome!
March 28th, 2011 at 8:26 pm
I believe that if you desire staying at home, then you should work at it. (It is not about watching soaps and eating Bon Bons! A stay at home wife and mother is your choice. Just as working outside the home is a choice. Though at some times these days I wonder if it is more necessary then a choice. My Grandmother fought for our right to vote. She also was one of the first women to graduate with a drafting degree. However she decided to stay at home to be a FANTASTIC WIFE AND MOTHER, AND GRANDMOTHER! Then there was my mother who also was a stay at home wife and mother.AND a FANTASTIC ONE THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Who earned her degree in the medical field when I was old enough to help with the house hold duties. THIS was all AT my FATHERS VAST PRIDE AND APPROVAL! This is how a large number of us where raised. Meaning with stay at home mothers. Why do so many women look down their nose at those that choose this life? What is wrong with it? I work outside the home by choice. I go home and am still a domestic to a degree, though I wish I where better at it. My man Loves how I am, and he is still the head of the house. IT TOOK ME LONG ENOUGH to FIND HIM, but now that I have, I do what I can to please him. That is MY CHOICE! As women we should support each other in our choices. I support the Stepford form of living, just as I support the right of women to work. So ladies, Do not feel that the stay at home wife and mother is a sorry excuse for a women! SHE IS FAR FROM IT! Try doing what she does and keep it straight. It takes work and practice! And Domestics, Do not grumble at those that work outside the home! It is equally their choice. WE are ALL WOMEN, We are ALL BEAUTIFUL, AND we are ALL WORTHY. The BIBLE tells me so.
April 26th, 2011 at 11:19 am
I’m so glad I found this site again!! I have really struggled with being the best wife and mom I can be over the last year. I almost had a breakdown earlier in the year. I’ve finally gotten it together and am actually renewing my vows with my husband this coming weekend. I also pulled out my moms old copy of Marabel Morgan’s books. While I do work outside of the home, it’s only part time. I hope I can measure up to MY standards and be the wife my husband deserves.