A few of our readers have sent us some funny magazine covers and posters that they tell us remind them of our organization. Some have even made one in our honor. Click here to see a motivational poster dedicated to stepfordwife.com (not safe for work).
We have added a permanent page to this diary / bulletin board involving Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) to be found on the side bar. We will produce it here as today’s entry:
1. Can I join this group
The Organization is made up of a group of women who physically know each other in real life, and live within close proximity of each other. It is NOT a virtual community where online members can join. The Organization is an online bulletin board for us to share our ideas, recipes, etiquette, philosophy, and way of conduct with other Stay-at-Home Mothers and Wives.
2. What is the politics of the organization
We encourage a broad range of views among our organization. There are women who have Women’s Studies B.A. from prestigious schools on the East Coast, to home-schooled ladies, and some with GEDs. Education is not a sign of prestige as we think no amount of intellectual powers can compare to one’s ability to please her husband. We have feminists who were active in the 70s and 80s, to ultra-conservative religious Republicans. At different point in our lives, we realized that staying at home and attending to and pleasing the head of the household was our main calling in life.
3. Where are you located.
Western Connecticut.
4. I’m a member of the transgender / crossdresser / bDsm community. Can we join your organization?
We can’t control who reads our website, or who pretends or fantasizes to live our way. While we think there’s nothing wrong with living your life as long as you’re not hurting anyone, the answer is No.
5. What books do you recommend us to read
1. The Holy Bible
2. Fascinating Womanhood by Helen B. Andelin
3. Fascinating Girl by Helen B. Andelin (which was incorporated into certain editions of FW)
4. Man of Steel and Velvet: A Guide to Masculine Development by Aubrey Andelin
5. Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man by Elliot Katz
6. Wife Dressing: The Fine Art of Being a Well-Dressed Wife by Anne Fogarty and Rosemary Feitelberg
7. Stepford Wives by Ira Levin
8. Complete Book of Etiquette by Amy Vanderbilt
9. A History of the Wife by Marilyn Yalom
10. Happy Housewives: I Was a Whining, Miserable, Desperate Housewife–But I Finally Snapped Out of It…You Can, Too! by Darla Shine
6. Who are the members of the Organization?
There is Irene (that’s me) who, along with Pree, does most of the admin work and answers emails. My sister Carolyn, and then there is Stephanie, Clarissa, Blair, Liz, Sici (because she doesn’t like to be called Muff), Jane, Maddy and Connie.
6. Are you against feminism?
We are not. Feminism fought to gain equality, opportunity, legal rights, and most importantly, freedom for women. Like any idea, it was bound to be misread and appropriated by people who had their personal agenda to advance. In it’s original suffragist and workplace ideals, they succeeded in what they set out to do. As with any idea that seek to obtain opportunity however, freedom means we are equally free to accept feminists ideas as we are to reject them. We thank and applaud the women who have fought for our rights to make our own decisions. Now please allow us to make our own decisions and live by the choices we have made.
If you force us to live by your personal, egalitarian vision of utopia, then wouldn’t you would have repeated the very offense you charged men (and the patriarchal oppression) of committing?
In Season 3, Episode 8′s TV’s Desperate Housewives, Gabrielle (Eva Longoria) returns to a life as a fashion model. After a 10 year hiatus, she is cast in the role of the homemaker and not the hot “IT” girl of the moment. Frustrated, she storms off and throws together her version of the “hot” mom. We girls at the organization happen to think the initial outfit they put her in (below left) is precious, and we feel that is the perfect outfit in which to serve and attend to our husbands in (Girls: Notice that DARLING RIBBON on that blouse!). In contrast, we raised our eyebrows at the “hot” mom version (below right). Frankly, it’s not appropriate, especially if guests or neighbors were to pop in.
Here is a comparison
On the other hand, if our husbands tell us they want us to wear something a little racier, as dutiful wives who’s main duty is to please our men and their expectations, we won’t hesitate to go the route below:
I did a bit of research on the multitude of versions for the Bible when I was shopping for my personal copy. I looked up all my favorite passages at The Bible Gateway. Of course, the King James Version is a must at every home, even if it’s purely as literature. (I have a copy of the translated Koran as well, given to me by a devout, peace-loving Palestinian friend).
For my favorite passage: Ephesians 5:33, the Amplified Bible never disappoints.
33
However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [[a]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and [b]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.]
I live by this line, and remind myself of it throughout the day. I was going to recommend Zondervan’s pink and green copy from christianbooks.com, simply because it’s so darlingly preppy. I got mine with personalized name imprinting on the Italian cover! Unfortunately, it is no longer available. But they still have brown versions, if you are so inclined.
For those of our readers who are in financial dire straits, please know you can always read the bible online, and there are many affordable choices available at an extremely reasonable price.
10. You think “the joy of sex” means your husband gets the most out of the experience, and it doesn’t matter whether you climax or not.
9. There’s one fact you know with undisputed certainty: He is always right.
8. Happiness means a sparkling kitchen and immaculate rooms throughout your home.
7. Girltalk means sharing cooking recipes that have met with our husbands’ approval.
6. Your son has a higher vote than you when it comes to what the family wants to do, just because he’s a man.
5. When you go out with your husband, the only thing on your mind is how to appear as pleasing to him and as decorative as possible. You know you are meant to be seen, not heard.
4. When you walk into your home, the first thing on your mind is, “how do I make my husband comfortable?”
3. You lavish your husband with praise and attention, because you admire him so much.
2. You are always in the mood, and there’s nothing he asks you to do that you won’t say no to.
1. Your only hobby and career goal is to serve him with a smile.
As you know, among our Stepford bibles is Helen B Andelin’s Fascinating Womanhood. Her husband Aubrey also wrote a book for men, after Fascinating Womanhood became a bestseller (it sold over 1.6 million copies since 1963, when it was published!). Man of Velvet and Steel (ISBN-978-0911094237 ) was written in 1972, and though it is primarily a guide for men, we thought we’d share our highlighted passages here, since it’s a guide for Stepford women too, in how to behave around our men. After all, the purpose of good manners is to help our husbands make a good impression on others, demonstrating what good decision-makers they are by picking such an obedient and loving wife. Here are some of the favorites among us Stepford girls.
Click on this link to go to read excerpts of this book on the Good Manners page on our websites: Stepfordwives.org and Stepfordwife.com
I am looking through my old archives and saved articles to find a piece on how women are realizing being “Stepford” isn’t really as bad as almost everyone makes it out to be.
To my astonishment, I am seeing pages after Google pages of sites discussing our site www.stepfordwives.org. It’s flattering to say the least, but the more disturbing results lie in all the negativity towards the Stepford image. We don’t like to point fingers, but if you love staying at home, taking care of the kids and pleasing your husband – and you’re good at what you do, is there really that much you can scoff at? So much of the negativity stems from women who find it challenging to accomplish (yes, accomplish) the Stepford quality of homemaking: great cooking, a clean home, beautiful fashion sense, perfect makeup, and a happy family. Sure, we believe it requires dedicated work and precise time-management skills. To listen to our naysayers bemoan our choices, you’d think a Stepford Wife are the dregs of society. We’re often told by our husbands it’s mere jealousy. Here is an example: How To Deal With A Stepford Wife……When You’re A Lousy One.
There’s also numerous articles claiming men want strong women, and no man would want a Stepford Wife. Curiously, all these articles are penned by women. Stop any man on the street and ask “do you prefer an over well-read intellectual who doesn’t have time to bathe or shave, but can wear the same hippie tie-dye tunic and argue with you until the take-out food arrives OR a perfect wife who keeps a sparkling clean home, cooks delicious meals, supports you in whatever you do, and treats you like a king in bed?”
I’m embarrassed to even mention how many emails I get monthly, from guys clamoring to find out where they can meet women like the ones we talk about here at the organization.
I didn’t manage to find my article. But here is an Op-Ed piece in yesterday’s New York Times, discussing our sister, the 1950′s wife My So-Called Wife by Sandra Tsing Loh.
I am reading F. Carolyn Graglia’s book Domestic Tranquility. She seems to have it in for the feminists, who – in her perspective – worked hard to diminish the role of the wife and homemaker. It was written in 1998. I hope that feminists have soften a little and realize the role of a homemaker is one of many choices available to women. After all, the prize that feminists – since the days of Senecca Falls – fought for is choice. This means the freedom to chose their role in their lives, whether it be lawyer, doctor, politician, feminazi, rock and roller, pole dancer, police officer, or housewife, mother, or homemaker. Not all women want, need, or enjoy being a powerbroker with a corner office. To demand that that one occupation is superior to another (and that we should all vie for that position) is to fall into the very trap of railroading everyone into your singular vision of an ideal world. Isn’t this the very crime feminists have long accused male-run patriarchal society of committing?
We at Stepfordwives Organization believe single women should pursue their dreams and do what pleases them. However, once they enter into marriage, there’s many different roles husbands and wives could fill. None is more right than the other, and none is better or worse. These are our outlines for what we feel is an ideal husband and a good wife, according to the blue ribbon quality we at Stepford Wives Organization cherish. As you can see, everyone’s plate is full, so you better love what you do!
In order of importance, from least important trait (10) to most important (1)
The Ideal Husband
10. Escorts his wife in public.
9. Stays healthy physically and in outlook
8. Inspires hope and trust through honesty and fidelity.
7. Sets a moral example for the wife and children to respect and follow
6. Determines what his wife should do and when
5. Educates his wife and his family
4. Makes decisions regarding his wife
3. Protects his wife and his family
2. Leads his wife and his family
1. Provides for his wife and his familyThe Good Wife:
11. Inspires love and understanding by yielding
10. Stays in shape and maintains a physique that pleases her husband
9. Dresses and behaves in a conservative, prim, respectable manner in public to gain respect for her husband. Dresses and behaves whichever way her husband pleases in private.
8. Is loyal to her husband, siding with him and agreeing with his views.
7. Maintains and cleans the home, picking up after the children and her husband if necessary.
6. Provides a warm, inviting haven for her husband to come home to
5. Cooks daily meals and snacks according to her husband’s wishes
4. Obeys her husband’s wishes
3. Ignites husband’s sexual drive and fulfills his appetite on demand.
2. Cherishes her role as her husband’s wife, committed and devoted to her place beside him.
1. Cherishes her husband, committed and devoted to him, making him feel loved, needed, admired, and special in her life.
Marabel Morgan wrote this advice book in 1972, around the time when one wave of the women’s movement was cresting. There’s a light smattering of quotes from biblical scripture, then it goes on to four parts. Organization Woman (Part I) takes the Charles M Schwab’s $25,000 plan (prioritize your tasks) and lays out a plan for any women to get things done on time. Man Alive (Part II) looks at the delicate male ego and what a wife can do to restore it. Sex 201 (Part III) is about keeping the spice alive. Building Bridges (Part IV) shows how interaction within the family unit can influence children.
Books like this will always garner the venom and knee-jerk reactions from a particular segment of women. Even before they read the book, these same people will drag out economic inequality, oppression of women as homemakers, doormat policies all leading inevitably up to domestic violence. NOWHERE in this book does the author promote ANY of these ideas. What the book does do is to advise women who have ended up – either by choice or by circumstances – in the home on how to make the best of it. To excel in homemaking; to provide a nice place to return to; to look after and support your husband; to realize that in marriage, giving in is as important as taking; to show love to your children. Is all this really that bad?
Sure, there’s the danger of the marriage going south and a wife ending up in the shoes of Terry Hekker. But that’s a danger in any marriage. So why not start making lemonade?
I’m willing to bet that if the roles were reversed and all the advice was written for husbands…and the wife became the recipient of the attentive husband, this book would immediately be hailed as a must-read for all men.
Any advice book should be approached the way we treat high fashion: Take what you can use, water it down a little, and keep the rest in the back of the closet. No one can be expected to walk around in Saran Wrap to keep the hubby sexually enchanted, but rotating sexual turn-ons and outfits to keep the spark alive is a definite keeper.
I know this book experienced some raised eyebrows from the religious community when it came out, particularly the chapters concerning sex. Because we women having forgotten how to blush, we’ve had to rely on some unsubstantiated myth to hold on to our men. Miss Morgan shows that we need to put solid hard work into it. A marriage can stay together on conceptual ties like mutual respect, joint returns, and prenups, but heavens how boring it would all be! Still you could apply all that in addition to the advice given in this book. I would think any woman would want to have all the tools at her disposal.
Like Helen Andelin’s book Fascinating Womanhood, the focus on men’s fragile ego is a priceless piece of advice. I want to say if one were a fly-on-the-wall in a room where men are talking alone… but then I remembered, men rarely talk about their feelings. But compliment and admire any man, and you immediately see the gratitude in their eyes.
In this day and age when so many of us are complaining about how men are no longer men….Miss Morgan gives you the keys here. If men are no longer men, it’s because WE are no longer women.
A drunkard husband spending the evening with his jovial companions at a tavern boasted that if he should take a group of his friends home with him at midnight and ask his Christian wife to get up and cook supper for them, she would do it without complaint. The crowd considered it a vain boast and dared him to try it by a considerable wager. So the drunken crowd went home with him and he made the unreasonable demands of his wife. She obeyed, dressed, came down, and prepared a very nice supper just as quickly as possible and served it as cheerfully as if she had been expecting them.
(the above is an excerpt from Pastor Walt D Hyuck Jr.’s wonderful sermon How To Be A Successful Wife, which can be read or heard, in its entirety, at his website (click here): This Christian Journey)
I look around and compare versions of biblical passages ( i.e. Titus 2:4 for example) as a harmless pastime. I try to find passages pertaining to marriage and wives. I can’t say I’m a devout Christian, though my father was raised Catholic, and my mother thought at a convent from the day I was born until I was 10. We eventually changed over to Protestant. I guess that’s where my comparative itch came from.
Though Stepfordwife.com / Stepford Wives Organization is non-religious and certainly non-denominational, I thought all our readers would enjoy this wonderful sermon. If you have the time, click on the audio portion, as a voice always adds a livelier tone to the text. Even if you are an atheist, you will find plenty sensible advice in this gem.