With the current outbreak of salmonella in eggs (which by the way, is eradicated with proper cooking….so unless you are making tiramisu, chocolate mousse or Caesar salad dressing, you have nothing to worry about), I am reminded of a topic I frequently revisit. Healthy eating and healthy cooking. There’s a difference between alarmist, hypochondriac approach to food vs sensible cooking.

I’ve been preaching healthy cooking for years. I even get on my mom’s case for the traditional way she cooks.

What is healthy cooking? Well, first and foremost, stay away from the cans. If you’ve never “canned” foods yourself, you may not understand the science of preservation. To put it in simple terms, just pop open a bottle of wine. A decent bottle of wine – refrigerated- will go bad in a day or two A box or jug wine, can make it past a week and still retain it’s original flavor. What is the secret ingredient? Preservatives. And they are not always natural ones either. Has anyone even notice that modern apples can go for days without turning brown? How do you think they got THAT way? So if you can’t cook with homegrown vegetables (a staple among us gals), at least use frozen veggies.

Secondly, healthy cooking means using substitutes. You may not get the full pleasure of a properly cooked French omelette with egg whites or egg subsitutes, or a greasy hamburger with a soy vegan burger, but as human beings, we all learn to adjust. Some fads have come and gone, admittedly – like margarine. But try olive oil spray when you want to use butter or canola. Yogurt instead of mayonnaise, mushrooms instead of beef. (The exception is when the man of the house asks for beef. We shut up and get ourselves to the kitchen!)

So opt for that free range chicken, and hormone-free eggs. Trey Stevia instead of sugar, or use sugar-in-the-raw if you must. And if you ever have a craving for fast food, we recommend Devin Alexander’s Fast Food Fix: 75+ Amazing Recipe Makeovers of Your Fast Food Restaurant Favorites. In the book, she approximates your dishes from your favorite American fast food joints, using healthy low-calorie substitutes. We at the organization give it a hearty five stars!

A little bit of background. British bawdy tv comic Benny Hill had a show that ran for two decades from ’69-’89 on BBC. So literally, it spanned the conscious-raising women’s movement, through bra-burning, through the 80s, and finally up against the post feminist era. A British comedian from the 80′s called Benny Hill “a dirty old man, tearing the clothes off nubile girls.” That comic’s name is Benny Elton. He later claims it was taken out of context. But another Brit comic, Harry Enfield brought together the two Bennies, and created a post-feminist Benny Hill “chase” in the video above. This homage shows what the classic Benny Hill chase would have become when that reformed dirty old male chauvinist became a politically-correct male feminist. The fellow in the suit is Benny Elton.

Special thanks to Margaret, one of our readers in Leicester, UK for sending us this clip. Enjoy!

Recently while visiting friends in the Anapolis (MD) area, a few of us girls had a chance to drop in on the Great Grapes Wine Festival. These wine festivals feature a delightful array of mostly domestic wines, some from vineyards outside the U.S. (Australia, Chile, Argentina), some food (cheese, crabcakes, pizza, standard fairground foods), and cooking instructions (usually sponsored by a utensil company selling a product).

It was so hot that day, to be honest, it was a little difficult to judge the wines. But we did manage to agree on a small number of items. For the summer, we absolutely adored Cygnus Chardonnay 2007 , a dry white with a grassy citrus taste, a long finish, and a hint of soy. Cygnus is a vineyard in Manchester MD, and their wines are made from a careful blend of traditional techniques and modern science. All the grapes are grown locally, so support this local U.S. homegrown product!

Cygnus wines are available only in MD stores, but you can always ask your local wine store if they can order it for you.

We also liked Kerrygold’s Aged Cheddar with Irish Whiskey, and think it’s a delightful combination with the Cygnus Chardonnay.

We realize there are aspiring husbands out there who have not stretched their Stepford muscle in a long time. After all, modern society has probably all but snuff out that manly fire in the traditional man’s creed. Fear not, as sex dolls have undergone improvements by leaps and bounds, thanks to modern synthetic material.

Real Doll (site features nudity) by Abyss Creations in San Marcos CA provides life like dolls that conform to Stepford Wives Organization ideals, boasting large busts, wasp-like hourglass waist, perfect eyes and hair, and a mouth that opens on demand, without words coming out. All for the nifty price of around 6 thousand dollars.

From there, the Rookie Stepford husband can practise the traits we have come to love in our husbands:

1. Ordering her around without getting any backtalk.

2. Getting pleasured without having to ask.

3. Dressing her the way that pleases him

4. Possessing her without any apprehension of losing her to other men

5. Keeping her in the house 24/7

6. Trying new positions and moves in and out of the bedroom without any protest from her

7. Using the top of head as a coffee table for resting your beer on, when you are watching tv or relaxing on the sofa

8. Having her around without having to listen to her

9. Her hair and makeup always perfect, always ready to please

10. She never ask for money or to be spoiled.

Of course, once he is ready to move up to the real deal, we are always more than happy to oblige. In addition to the list above, we ladies here at the Stepford Wives Organization provide the following features that a doll cannot.

1. We cook your favorite dish and serve it with a smile

2. We clean up after you

3. We wash, bathe, and massage you

4. We refresh your drinks and make sure it is always cold

5. We greet you at the door at the end of every day

6. We show appreciation and gratitude

7. We will fetch your slippers when you snap your fingers

8. We do the laundry

9. We yelp when you grab us or play rough in bed

10. We scream “YOU ARE KING” in bed, and remind you that “YOU’RE THE BOSS” everyday.

For years, cookbooks have advised innovative ways to use junk food. After all, even bad things in small doses are acceptable. You wouldn”t want to sit down with a bowl, save a bag of crisps, for nourishment. Heavens no! But to take a handful of pita chips, potato chips, or even tortillas, crumble it all up, and throw it over a salad topping, underneath a ham and cheese sandwich, or into a burrito or veggie wrap is a perfect garnish for texture.

EXTRA KITCHEN TIP: Go for Lo-Salt or Salt-Free chips if you want to use the crumbs at the end of the bag. We find the regular chips too salty once you get to the bottom of the bag. With Lo-Salt or Salt Free chips, the mix in the crumbs is just right.

I did a bit of research on the multitude of versions for the Bible when I was shopping for my personal copy. I looked up all my favorite passages at The Bible Gateway. Of course, the King James Version is a must at every home, even if it’s purely as literature. (I have a copy of the translated Koran as well, given to me by a devout, peace-loving Palestinian friend).

For my favorite passage: Ephesians 5:33, the Amplified Bible never disappoints.

33
However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [[a]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and [b]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.]

I live by this line, and remind myself of it throughout the day. I was going to recommend Zondervan’s pink and green copy from christianbooks.com, simply because it’s so darlingly preppy. I got mine with personalized name imprinting on the Italian cover! Unfortunately, it is no longer available. But they still have brown versions, if you are so inclined.

For those of our readers who are in financial dire straits, please know you can always read the bible online, and there are many affordable choices available at an extremely reasonable price.

As you know, among our Stepford bibles is Helen B Andelin’s Fascinating Womanhood. Her husband Aubrey also wrote a book for men, after Fascinating Womanhood became a bestseller (it sold over 1.6 million copies since 1963, when it was published!). Man of Velvet and Steel (ISBN-978-0911094237 ) was written in 1972, and though it is primarily a guide for men, we thought we’d share our highlighted passages here, since it’s a guide for Stepford women too, in how to behave around our men. After all, the purpose of good manners is to help our husbands make a good impression on others, demonstrating what good decision-makers they are by picking such an obedient and loving wife. Here are some of the favorites among us Stepford girls.

Click on this link to go to read excerpts of this book on the Good Manners page on our websites: Stepfordwives.org and Stepfordwife.com

Once in a while the girls at the organization come up with a treasure of a find. Keith Jarrett’s “The Melody At Night, With You” is a pretty little album to play in a barely audible volume your child’s bedroom if you want a change from the music box. This recording was made from a lone piano in Jarrett’s house, as a love note to his then wife Rose Anne.

American jazz/classical pianist Keith Jarrett is one of the pioneers of improvised solo piano, whose recordings may have been responsible for the watered-down and depreciated genre called “New Age.” This very personal recording benefits from its purpose from the the lack of Jarrett’s performance idiosyncracies – the groans and moans – leading to an intimate, sometimes even stately restrained performance. Try it today in your child’s bedroom or just in the kitchen when you’re relaxing. You can listen to the samples at Amazon.

Dennis the Menace 1953

Hank Ketcham’s humorous take on homemaking in the ’50s cloaks his a delightful artistry of brevity. Sure, we here at Stepfordwife.com absolutely adore Alice and Henry’s matching black bows in their daily outfits. We also love Alice’s Stay-at-Home mom sensibilities. These were the golden days of the family and men were men.

To look at more of Ketcham’s Dennis the Menace work, you can purchase Hank Ketcham’s Complete Dennis the Menace 1950-1954 Box Set (Vol. 1-2) at Amazon. His magazine art is just as entertaining, practically encapsulating what we at the organization go through on a daily basis.

I was having a conversation with a friend who was a staunch democrat. I mentioned that I just finished reading a book written by an infamous female politician that aroused heated debate anytime her name was mentioned. I told Jane I was sure she would have much to say about this public figure. I also added that the writing style was along the lines where some may argue was a little below the standards of a literary craftsperson. Oh sure, this gal had a professional career, held office at a large state, and still raised and stood by her family when times got tough. She may have had some scandals while in the political spotlight, but she had as many opponents as she did supporters.

I thought the book was fairly well-written. It was a quick read and gave me an idea of the vision that the author was capable of. Like most books written by politicians, it had it’s share of spin and PR image crafting. I said I thought the author has a future in politics even though many may not agree with her policies on how this country should be run. I mentioned that she will make another comeback and I was always willing to listen to what she has to say in the next election.

So my friend haughtily looked down her nose at me and announced “that’s just like all you conservative Palin supporters! Myopic and ever-ready to forgive her for all short-comings. When are you people ever going to learn that she is an insult to all women? You should learn to be more open-minded and not see the world from your small-town ways!”

“I’m sorry to hear that’s the way you feel.” I put a hand on her hand. Then I held up the book I was talking about.

Hover your cursor over the book cover below to see a clearer image of the book I was referring to.