With the most recent court ruling on Nadja Benaissa- a German Pop singer who found out she was HIV+ at 16, kept it to herself, and continued sleeping around for 12 more years – it makes me think about all the passes women get in Western society. Though the verdict is guilty, she only needs to do some community service and she’s scot free to go. Imagine had the perpetrator been a man, the sentence would most likely be harsher.

Most men are aware of this injustice meted out against their kind. Some are just more chivalrous than others: being a good sport, they let it go and give women a pass. That’s why the less chivalrous ones call it what it is: A p***** pass.

This asymmetry also makes me think the reason why so many women are against the notion of Stepford Wives is because they have been spoiled by the constant free passes to do and behave as they please, with zero accountability. I heard a story once, where two women in Colorado made up stories of assault on a man. After an entire summer of a community living in fear, and a life destroyed, they rescinded their accusations and said it was all made up. Again, no jail time, no fines, no consequences. So when we say, “we like giving our men extra special attention because they really deserve it for being so generous in giving us way!” women who have gotten their way all their lives feel it’s unnatural.

If anything, we feel that it’s because men keep giving us passes, that we should spoil them that much more. I still remember a car ride I took with some career ladies one evening. We were on our way to a charity dinner and I casually mentioned, “we tend to forget that men have their fragile areas, that they also need as much care, consideration, and attention as we do.”

I was met with a resounding “uh-uh! No way! What the $*%&$# is that all about?!!!”

We can’t change the fact that men continue to take on responsibility, relieving us to what we do best. But what we can change is our ability to make our marriages shine and work on making a good union a great one!

We have added a permanent page to this diary / bulletin board involving Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) to be found on the side bar. We will produce it here as today’s entry:

1. Can I join this group

The Organization is made up of a group of women who physically know each other in real life, and live within close proximity of each other. It is NOT a virtual community where online members can join. The Organization is an online bulletin board for us to share our ideas, recipes, etiquette, philosophy, and way of conduct with other Stay-at-Home Mothers and Wives.

2. What is the politics of the organization

We encourage a broad range of views among our organization. There are women who have Women’s Studies B.A. from prestigious schools on the East Coast, to home-schooled ladies, and some with GEDs. Education is not a sign of prestige as we think no amount of intellectual powers can compare to one’s ability to please her husband. We have feminists who were active in the 70s and 80s, to ultra-conservative religious Republicans. At different point in our lives, we realized that staying at home and attending to and pleasing the head of the household was our main calling in life.

3. Where are you located.

Western Connecticut.

4. I’m a member of the transgender / crossdresser / bDsm community. Can we join your organization?

We can’t control who reads our website, or who pretends or fantasizes to live our way. While we think there’s nothing wrong with living your life as long as you’re not hurting anyone, the answer is No.

5. What books do you recommend us to read

1. The Holy Bible
2. Fascinating Womanhood by Helen B. Andelin
3. Fascinating Girl by Helen B. Andelin (which was incorporated into certain editions of FW)
4. Man of Steel and Velvet: A Guide to Masculine Development by Aubrey Andelin
5. Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man by Elliot Katz
6. Wife Dressing: The Fine Art of Being a Well-Dressed Wife by Anne Fogarty and Rosemary Feitelberg
7. Stepford Wives by Ira Levin
8. Complete Book of Etiquette by Amy Vanderbilt
9. A History of the Wife by Marilyn Yalom
10. Happy Housewives: I Was a Whining, Miserable, Desperate Housewife–But I Finally Snapped Out of It…You Can, Too! by Darla Shine

6. Who are the members of the Organization?

There is Irene (that’s me) who, along with Pree, does most of the admin work and answers emails. My sister Carolyn, and then there is Stephanie, Clarissa, Blair, Liz, Sici (because she doesn’t like to be called Muff), Jane, Maddy and Connie.

6. Are you against feminism?

We are not. Feminism fought to gain equality, opportunity, legal rights, and most importantly, freedom for women. Like any idea, it was bound to be misread and appropriated by people who had their personal agenda to advance. In it’s original suffragist and workplace ideals, they succeeded in what they set out to do. As with any idea that seek to obtain opportunity however, freedom means we are equally free to accept feminists ideas as we are to reject them. We thank and applaud the women who have fought for our rights to make our own decisions. Now please allow us to make our own decisions and live by the choices we have made.

If you force us to live by your personal, egalitarian vision of utopia, then wouldn’t you would have repeated the very offense you charged men (and the patriarchal oppression) of committing?

In Season 3, Episode 8′s TV’s Desperate Housewives, Gabrielle (Eva Longoria) returns to a life as a fashion model. After a 10 year hiatus, she is cast in the role of the homemaker and not the hot “IT” girl of the moment. Frustrated, she storms off and throws together her version of the “hot” mom. We girls at the organization happen to think the initial outfit they put her in (below left) is precious, and we feel that is the perfect outfit in which to serve and attend to our husbands in (Girls: Notice that DARLING RIBBON on that blouse!). In contrast, we raised our eyebrows at the “hot” mom version (below right). Frankly, it’s not appropriate, especially if guests or neighbors were to pop in.

Here is a comparison

Eva Longoria in 2 versions of the Good Wife outfit

On the other hand, if our husbands tell us they want us to wear something a little racier, as dutiful wives who’s main duty is to please our men and their expectations, we won’t hesitate to go the route below:

Eva Longoria in the husband-approved version of the Good Wife outfit