10. You think “the joy of sex” means your husband gets the most out of the experience, and it doesn’t matter whether you climax or not.

9. There’s one fact you know with undisputed certainty: He is always right.

8. Happiness means a sparkling kitchen and immaculate rooms throughout your home.

7. Girltalk means sharing cooking recipes that have met with our husbands’ approval.

6. Your son has a higher vote than you when it comes to what the family wants to do, just because he’s a man.

5. When you go out with your husband, the only thing on your mind is how to appear as pleasing to him and as decorative as possible. You know you are meant to be seen, not heard.

4. When you walk into your home, the first thing on your mind is, “how do I make my husband comfortable?”

3. You lavish your husband with praise and attention, because you admire him so much.

2. You are always in the mood, and there’s nothing he asks you to do that you won’t say no to.

1. Your only hobby and career goal is to serve him with a smile.

I am reading F. Carolyn Graglia’s book Domestic Tranquility. She seems to have it in for the feminists, who – in her perspective – worked hard to diminish the role of the wife and homemaker. It was written in 1998. I hope that feminists have soften a little and realize the role of a homemaker is one of many choices available to women. After all, the prize that feminists – since the days of Senecca Falls – fought for is choice. This means the freedom to chose their role in their lives, whether it be lawyer, doctor, politician, feminazi, rock and roller, pole dancer, police officer, or housewife, mother, or homemaker. Not all women want, need, or enjoy being a powerbroker with a corner office. To demand that that one occupation is superior to another (and that we should all vie for that position) is to fall into the very trap of railroading everyone into your singular vision of an ideal world. Isn’t this the very crime feminists have long accused male-run patriarchal society of committing?

We at Stepfordwives Organization believe single women should pursue their dreams and do what pleases them. However, once they enter into marriage, there’s many different roles husbands and wives could fill. None is more right than the other, and none is better or worse. These are our outlines for what we feel is an ideal husband and a good wife, according to the blue ribbon quality we at Stepford Wives Organization cherish. As you can see, everyone’s plate is full, so you better love what you do!

In order of importance, from least important trait (10) to most important (1)

The Ideal Husband

10. Escorts his wife in public.
9. Stays healthy physically and in outlook
8. Inspires hope and trust through honesty and fidelity.
7. Sets a moral example for the wife and children to respect and follow
6. Determines what his wife should do and when
5. Educates his wife and his family
4. Makes decisions regarding his wife
3. Protects his wife and his family
2. Leads his wife and his family
1. Provides for his wife and his family

The Good Wife:

11. Inspires love and understanding by yielding
10. Stays in shape and maintains a physique that pleases her husband
9. Dresses and behaves in a conservative, prim, respectable manner in public to gain respect for her husband. Dresses and behaves whichever way her husband pleases in private.
8. Is loyal to her husband, siding with him and agreeing with his views.
7. Maintains and cleans the home, picking up after the children and her husband if necessary.
6. Provides a warm, inviting haven for her husband to come home to
5. Cooks daily meals and snacks according to her husband’s wishes
4. Obeys her husband’s wishes
3. Ignites husband’s sexual drive and fulfills his appetite on demand.
2. Cherishes her role as her husband’s wife, committed and devoted to her place beside him.
1. Cherishes her husband, committed and devoted to him, making him feel loved, needed, admired, and special in her life.