Posts Tagged ‘traditional wife’

Is The Stepford Wife the Secret to A Long Lasting Marriage (Emirates Woman Article Nov 2012)

Sunday, June 23rd, 2013

Our organization – thanks to our Carolyn – got a request to write an article that was published in the Emirates Woman magazine in November 2012. It’s an interesting read because it counterpoints Carolyn’s viewpoint on the traditional wife with those of a professional career woman Bidisha, a broadcaster and writer who specializes in arts, culture, and social affairs, including gender, sexuality, and race. The referee, and compiler of the articles is Alexandria Gouveia.

This is what page 116 of the intro article looks like. Click on the photo to see a larger image of the picture.

Carolyn’s article precedes career woman Bidisha’s. If you want to read Carolyn’s complete article, click here to our page: Carolyn Snowden: The Relationship Debate

The following is Bidisha’s counterpoint article, which appears on page 120 following Carolyn’s:

“The surrendered wife deserves our sympathy,”says, Bidisha, broadcaster and writer specialising in the arts and culture and social affairs including gender, class, sexuality and race.

There is no person more boring, or bored, than a stay-at-home wife. I would recommend such a role only for women who have small brains, small hopes, small potential and small personalities. But I know no such women. What I do know is that 5,000 years of inequality, machismo, conditioning, intimidation and oppression have resulted in this strange, stunted creature – the surrendered wife – who finds some kind of sick nobility in grovelling to a man. The wretch believes that her highest virtue lies in giving the greatest attention to the smallest things: the dustpan, the oven, the crib, the sink – and the contents of her husband’s underpants.

The surrendered wife deserves our sympathy. Without realising it, she has been subjected to a deep cultural, social and political lobotomy, internalised the propaganda that says she is naturally destined for wife-work according to her innate capacities, and has emerged competent but wholly unrebellious. She is good at organising the home, judicious with her children’s upbringing, efficient about the family’s comings and goings, savagely chic when entertaining. But she is dependent for her survival – and that makes her submissive. If she doesn’t please her lord and master, she has nothing to fall back on. In order to survive, she must turn herself into a giver in the bedroom, a maid on the landing, a cook in the kitchen, a nanny in the nursery, a secretary at the desk, a housekeeper in the pantry and a hostess in the lounge. No matter what reflected status she may gain from her husband, at the core of it she herself is merely a geisha: there to serve. She exists to be exploited for her sexual, social and physical labour but, as a dependent subordinate with no power of her own, she can be bullied, hurt, disparaged or replaced whenever her owner chooses.

When a woman’s scope is reduced to the four walls of her home, her soul shrinks accordingly. Her frustration, boredom and bitterness are sublimated into obsession with petty surface details, extreme self-objectification, obsessive shopping and the bullying of staff. Because she is isolated, she doesn’t have the resources to fight the source of her oppression – that is, her husband and the entire macho ethos that keeps her in her place – and so she transfers her rage onto other women, satisfying her insecurity by making small-minded, insecure, sniping judgements. She begins to police other women’s behaviour, perhaps even her own daughters’ behaviour, punishing them if they do not conform. This is understandable and it’s what oppressed groups have always done. It is easier to lash out laterally than face the reality of oppression; easy to submit to misogynist ‘tradition’, hard to fight such entrenched views, especially when they are backed up by the threat of violence.

I believe women deserve much more than a life of service. That is not a life, it is merely an existence in which all of our resources are used up for others’ benefit. That said, the hardest and most profound free work we do – bringing up children, caring for elderly relatives, keeping communities together peacefully – should be acknowledged, honoured and credited instead of being assumed, expected, unpaid, undervalued and taken advantage of.

Instead of women judging each other, or themselves, they should judge men. We deserve to go into the world to fulfil our potential without being leered at, opposed, judged, sexually harassed, sexually assaulted, followed or abused. We deserve to be treated equally as minds and personalities, not as objects. A woman has a basic human right to be seen as a person in her own right, an individual, and not a man’s wife, someone’s daughter, someone’s mother, someone’s sister or someone’s neighbour, with all the labour and duties that entails. And when we come home unmolested from our studies, our work or visiting friends and family, we will do precisely half of the work required, and the man should do the other half. Since a man makes half a baby, he should do half the childcare. Since he makes half the dirt, he should do half the cleaning. And since he eats half the food, he should do half of all the kitchen work.

Men have killed each other in great wars, put other men on the moon, created vast architectural structures and tiny electronic circuits, and constructed complex governments in which men help other men achieve wealth, status and power. Women have done so too, of course, but their names are erased from history and their contribution ignored, belittled, downgraded or sidelined. Men have developed intricate religions, laws and courts in which, year after year, men who abuse women walk free using a variety of excuses. Are you telling me that Man, this great and complex creation, in all his genius and abusiveness and hypocrisy, is not capable of wiping a baby’s bottom?

Being a surrendered wife is dull, repetitive, unjust, unfulfilling and submissive. Obedient women don’t make history, they merely clean it and furnish it for men to inhabit, and are not credited afterwards. Never forget that surrender is the very last resort of heroes, warriors and adventurers. It is easy to be a slave because you know what your fate is: to be a slave forever. But that is no life. Women are too interesting to be hidden from the world, too intelligent to be barred from contributing in full, too witty to be silenced in public, too dynamic to be held back from the outside world and too strong to be denied.

What Does A Stepford Wife Song Sound Like?

Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

You may be wondering, is it Music for Washing and Ironing?

Perhaps you fancy some songs quoted in Mad Men, especially Astrud Gilberto’s Agua de Beber. What could be more perfect than falling in love with your washing machine?

But here is one we’ve always taken a shine to:

The Primitives’ I’ll Stick With You

Witness the great Stepford like lyrics: (Music and lyrics by Paul Court. He writes the words, she (Tracy Tracy) sings them. Just the way it should be!

Noise from the city drives me off my head
Wish you could fly away
Rain comin’ down from the sky
Colder than yesterday

I’ve seen places fall apart
Same thing with people too
Don’t wanna be here when it gets dark

Think I’ll stick with you
Think I’ll stick with you
Think I’ll stick with you

Hey
(x3)

Noise from the city drives me off my head
Wish you could fly away
Give me your hand a guiding light
I’ll do anything you say

I’ve seen places fall apart
Same thing with people too
Don’t wanna be here when it gets dark

Think I’ll stick with you
Think I’ll stick with you
Think I’ll stick with you

Hey
(x3)

Think I’ll stick with you
(repeat)

We’re still here! Welcome back!

Saturday, November 26th, 2011

loving wife pleasing husband and family in the stepford life

First things first: A Happy Thanksgiving to all the families and readers out there! We all hope you are having a fantastic holiday, spending quality time with your loved ones. We girls see it as a time to spoil our husbands extra deluxe in front of his and our families.

This is just a note to inform all our gentle readers that we have not gone away. We have been mum for a while, but we have also been busy reading up on many interesting topics in between cleaning, cooking, sewing, and taking care of the men around the house (extra guys visiting for the holidays).

For the girls, we stumbled upon this curious website that’s an introductory course to the FLDS way of life. (Every time we mentioned the FLDS, we make sure our readers know we are in no way affiliated with that religious group. We do not condone most (if not ALL) of the behavior of their imprisoned leader. But we do love our authoress Helen B. Andelin (who wrote Fascinating Womanhood), and was herself an LDS Mormon. This page, entitled “Role of Women” from FLDS 101 mentions Andelin’s book to our great delight.

For men – who often write to thank us for setting up our website and blog online – we found an acronym we are not familiar with MGTOW. If you never heard of it, check out this website: Men For Justice

Book Review: Feminine By Design by Scott T. Brown

Saturday, February 5th, 2011

We sometimes get asked whether our website is a joke. It isn’t. That reply is usually met with an declaration. “Well nobody in their right mind would have the same values as you gals!” Finally, we have come across a book that expounds on many of the “good things” we teach.

Please remember we never tell our men how to behave. We are merely share information with other wives, and try to mentor other less experienced women in our Stepford ways. Scott T. Brown, an elder at Hope Baptist Church in North Carolina has penned a short 85 page booklet that expands on the 12 pillars (“teachings”) of Biblical vision of Womanhood.

What are the 12 pillars? They include a call to celebrate the beauty and joys of woman as the image bearer of gentle and quiet spirits, kind meek hearts that follow the lead of the husband as ordained by the scripture. Women nurture their inner radiance and beauty as a quality that will age well with time. Whether our daughters are naturally gifted or they have acquired a natural passion towards being corporate executives, lawyers, politicians or professionals, they should be taught to renounce all these callings, and instead, answer only to their biblical fulfillment: stay at home, be a submissive and trustful helpmeet to her husband, and multiply greatly. Be a fruitful bearer of the godly seed. What we love about this book is that it speaks in the plain language that we can understand: “make lots of babies” to fill up the churches.

Pillar 2, warns against blurring androgyny lines. Something we closely adhere to when we steer clear of the “women” online who approach us about our organization.

Other pillars include the importance of being a domestic entrepreneur, a teacher of the next generation, a keeper of the home, and a member of the church. The book closes with a short word to fathers on the misleading term “liberation,” and a closing epilogue from the author’s wife.

The writing is short and clear. Unlike Christian books that quote the bible within the page, this book gives you the chapter-verse numbers that you can look up in your own bible. Besides, all us Stepford ladies have already committed these lines to memory. We know them by our hearts! While it is written primarily for daughters and young teen girls, we like the fact that the book is easy to read and comprehend. (I always leave the difficult reading to my sister Carolyn.) Besides, who has the time to read a tome?

We’re just glad we have some back up and support from Mr. Brown’s excellent book. Click on the following link to bring you to The National Center for Family-Integrated Church’s bookstore.

Book Review: How To Be A Pure Obedient Christian Wife: Carolyn Mahaney’s Feminine Appeal

Tuesday, December 7th, 2010

carolyn mahaney feminine appeal

The advice given in this book is based on Ephesians 5:22-33, Titus 2 – 3, Timothy 2:10-2:12, Colossians 3:18, Proverbs 31 and a few more. In a nutshell, be happy, be delighted, enjoy your food, enjoy loving your husband, cherish your kids, have pride in running your home, be modest in your dress and adornment, take care of yourself, take care of your physical attributes, be pure, don’t fool around, be attractive, be always available emotionally and sexually to your husband, compliment your husband, create the mood, be kind to your children, be kind to your husband, don’t question him and if you do, let him make the final decision, just trust god. And of course, be submissive, obedient, meek, gentle, and a quiet helpmeet to your husband.

We ladies at the organization see absolutely nothing wrong with any of this. We feel it is the natural order of things, and the natural position of the wife. It’s worked for hundreds of years in cultures all around the world. Feminism – the kind that encouraged women to abandon homemaking and go compete with men outside the home – ran out of steam in less than 25 years. It’s not trendy to be a homemaker, let alone a religious one. But trends come and go, sound marriages last a lifetime.

The author saves the dynamite for the last chapter. Shrill naysayers will undoubtedly scream murder when a woman is instructed to be submissive to her husband. But Mahaney states very specifically on pg 137 that the Book of Genesis, at the very beginning of the Bible states that both male and female are created in the image of god, and therefore equal. It isn’t about inferiority or being in a demeaning position. Submission, in this context, echos the church’s submission to Christ, and Christ’s sacrificial love. The chapter “The Beauty of Submission” goes on to say that at no point, was there a call for women to submit to any and every man, only wife to husband. Also, she does advise that when husbands makechoices that are detrimental to the family “requesting assistance in such circumstances is helping the husband.” I have seen reviewers say that the author recommends praying for all situations. That’s simply inaccurate.

Even if you are not religious, there are many chapters of sound advice. If you are familiar with advice books from the 1900s, you will see many familiar ideas here. As an added bonus, look especially for the passages quoting a number of husbands on how they are made to feel cherished by their wives, as well as a section on children talking about the tenderness of their moms.

The book is separated into three sections. The Main Body by Carolyn Mahaney (158 pages), A Study Guide and Questions section corresponding to each chapter (22 pages), and a short appendix with footnotes and bibliography that points to further reading.